They say each of us has a soul mate. A special someone custom made to fit ur flaws and imperfections, who will fill in the voids in your life and give you a sense of contentment. But what they dont tell u is that each soul has more than one soul mate. So what happens when your soul encounters more than one soul mate in its presnt journey in time?
Almost 10 years ago when I met A there was an instant connect. Sparks, chemistry, fireworks call it what you want. We hit off from day one and there after when we got married 4 yrs later I felt that i had met my soul mate. I was content. But it didnt last that long. Over the journey of our 6 year long marriage we encountered many hurdles which we managed to overcome. But somewhere along the way i realised i wasnt content.
Now the thing about me is that i am an innately happy and content soul. And i like to keep it that way. Anything which takes away from happiness or satisfaction causes me undue stress and anxiety.
A is a kind and loving man. Funny , jovial, caring in his own way and all in all a wonderful person. Any woman would be lucky to have him in her life . He is that friend with whom i can share anyyhing from the smallest to the largest matters with ease.
But is being just a good friend enough?
What of passion and that intense pull you feel towards the person you love? I never felt that intensity or passion towards him. Ours was a convinient and comfortable kind of love. The kind you read in books between older couples where we just fall into pace with each other. But my spul craves that passion , that rush which comes when ur heart beats so fast that it skips a beat.
Recently over the past two and half years we have been in a long distance relationship due to some unforseen yet avoidable predicament which has left me both unhappy and discontent.
About 6 months back i reconnected with a few old school friends to kill the waiting period and to maintain my sanity amongst the chaps which is my life. Amongst them is V. An old school friend whom i had a falling out with over some silly (then serious) issues.
And somehow over sorting out old matters and renewing our friendship we found us. Our common interests ,ideas, outlook towards life.
Over silly games and midnight drives , over sheesha smoke and beer pints we slowly built up our friendship to its former glory.
One night while we sat at out usual spot in the car listening to nostalgic music it happened again. Sparks, chemisty, fireworks in my mind. And somehow we both knew that our souls had just connected at a level that was hard to explain. But we both knew.
The physical distance between me and A had now started creating mental and emotional barriers between us owing to lack of communication and a small amount of loss of interest.
Meeting daily at night regardless of the time, keeping up chatting about stupid silly things, teasing flirting taunting V and me continued to become stronger as friends and closer to each other.
It caused a lot of questions to arise amongst close friends and even some theories . But we were undeterred because we knew that we didnt want to lose each other.
I wasnt sure what it was whether right or wrong, but all i knew was V made me feel happy and spending that little time with him no matter what was like a big hug to my soul. I felt calm and sure and peaceful and just satisfied with whatever life was in that moment.
And thrn it happened. One day suddenly he withdrew from me. I was confused because i couldnt understand what it was that caused him to go back into his shell.
After over a week of no communication we spoke and he told me that we ned to reel it back because he is afraid he will lose me. In that minute i knew . I knew that what i felt for him was a kind of love. A pure form of love where i knew he would never be mine but still i loved him with every cell in my body. And I knew what he felt too for his eyes burned with the same passion that i felt in my heart. And he was right. It had to end.
But i wasnt ready to let him go. I was in a bad place in my life and this is when i needed him the most. But i had to let go.
Because i had already chosen my destiny when i chose A and just because today i found V i couldnt abandon A .
This is what happens when your soul encounters two soul mates in one life time. It begins to crack as mine is right now. Slowly with every breath the crack deepens and leaves a pain so deep that no sound escapes your lips even as you continue to scream silently in pain.
V has started keeping the distance as he had planned leaving me to deal with everything on my own. And deal i shall.
But day after day every night i wait for a message, a call, something from him just so that the chaos is my heart is quietened for a bit.
Because now my heart mins and soul are unsure.
What is one to do at such a point in life.
Should i do the honourable thing and stay with the man i married or should i go for the man who makes me happy today. So happy.
I am not even sure if he feels the same about me,i am unsure if he even needs me the way i need him,i am unsure if he misses me the way i miss him.
Imunsure
Almost 10 years ago when I met A there was an instant connect. Sparks, chemistry, fireworks call it what you want. We hit off from day one and there after when we got married 4 yrs later I felt that i had met my soul mate. I was content. But it didnt last that long. Over the journey of our 6 year long marriage we encountered many hurdles which we managed to overcome. But somewhere along the way i realised i wasnt content.
Now the thing about me is that i am an innately happy and content soul. And i like to keep it that way. Anything which takes away from happiness or satisfaction causes me undue stress and anxiety.
A is a kind and loving man. Funny , jovial, caring in his own way and all in all a wonderful person. Any woman would be lucky to have him in her life . He is that friend with whom i can share anyyhing from the smallest to the largest matters with ease.
But is being just a good friend enough?
What of passion and that intense pull you feel towards the person you love? I never felt that intensity or passion towards him. Ours was a convinient and comfortable kind of love. The kind you read in books between older couples where we just fall into pace with each other. But my spul craves that passion , that rush which comes when ur heart beats so fast that it skips a beat.
Recently over the past two and half years we have been in a long distance relationship due to some unforseen yet avoidable predicament which has left me both unhappy and discontent.
About 6 months back i reconnected with a few old school friends to kill the waiting period and to maintain my sanity amongst the chaps which is my life. Amongst them is V. An old school friend whom i had a falling out with over some silly (then serious) issues.
And somehow over sorting out old matters and renewing our friendship we found us. Our common interests ,ideas, outlook towards life.
Over silly games and midnight drives , over sheesha smoke and beer pints we slowly built up our friendship to its former glory.
One night while we sat at out usual spot in the car listening to nostalgic music it happened again. Sparks, chemisty, fireworks in my mind. And somehow we both knew that our souls had just connected at a level that was hard to explain. But we both knew.
The physical distance between me and A had now started creating mental and emotional barriers between us owing to lack of communication and a small amount of loss of interest.
Meeting daily at night regardless of the time, keeping up chatting about stupid silly things, teasing flirting taunting V and me continued to become stronger as friends and closer to each other.
It caused a lot of questions to arise amongst close friends and even some theories . But we were undeterred because we knew that we didnt want to lose each other.
I wasnt sure what it was whether right or wrong, but all i knew was V made me feel happy and spending that little time with him no matter what was like a big hug to my soul. I felt calm and sure and peaceful and just satisfied with whatever life was in that moment.
And thrn it happened. One day suddenly he withdrew from me. I was confused because i couldnt understand what it was that caused him to go back into his shell.
After over a week of no communication we spoke and he told me that we ned to reel it back because he is afraid he will lose me. In that minute i knew . I knew that what i felt for him was a kind of love. A pure form of love where i knew he would never be mine but still i loved him with every cell in my body. And I knew what he felt too for his eyes burned with the same passion that i felt in my heart. And he was right. It had to end.
But i wasnt ready to let him go. I was in a bad place in my life and this is when i needed him the most. But i had to let go.
Because i had already chosen my destiny when i chose A and just because today i found V i couldnt abandon A .
This is what happens when your soul encounters two soul mates in one life time. It begins to crack as mine is right now. Slowly with every breath the crack deepens and leaves a pain so deep that no sound escapes your lips even as you continue to scream silently in pain.
V has started keeping the distance as he had planned leaving me to deal with everything on my own. And deal i shall.
But day after day every night i wait for a message, a call, something from him just so that the chaos is my heart is quietened for a bit.
Because now my heart mins and soul are unsure.
What is one to do at such a point in life.
Should i do the honourable thing and stay with the man i married or should i go for the man who makes me happy today. So happy.
I am not even sure if he feels the same about me,i am unsure if he even needs me the way i need him,i am unsure if he misses me the way i miss him.
Imunsure
